An opinion from near the grave

I have been a military doctor all my life. I’ve looked death in the eye before — both on my own and together with my patients. The military hospital in Timisoara was at the centre of the Romanian revolution in 1989. Before the revolution, Romania was run by special police/security officers who were led by the KGB and in many ways, the same group of people remained in power after 1989. 

At the time, I whole heartedly believed in the Revolution. I was almost two years younger than my son is today. I had perfect eyesight, steady aim, and always came best in target shooting competitions, which increased my popularity with the young soldiers. It made sense to me that the communism regime, which relied on special forces that openly used arrest, murder and torture to convince the population to do their bidding, had to end like it was ending in nearby countries. 

In December 1989, seemingly overnight, these very powerful officers were branded as terrorists. Many were loyal to the old regime and were trying to stop the revolution. There were active agents and also plenty of hidden agents (or “cans” - agenti conserva) who become active at times of need. When the revolution started, both the military and the special forcers received the order to shoot in the un-armed crowd in Timisoara and later in Bucharest. General Milea, who was minister of defence, sent military troops to Timisoara without ammunition when ordered to erase Timisoara from the face of the Earth and when ordered to shoot to ‘flatten’ the crowd in Bucharest, he refused. He said that the duty of the army was to protect the citizens of the country it served and not to murder them. He was tortured and killed for this defiance, and while his death was, officially, reported as suicide, plenty of the details from the torture leaked to make others afraid of disobeying orders.

While the army refused to shoot, the special forces dressed as civilians executed the order — shooting, first, they said at foot level. The protests that had been peaceful before turned dangerous. People believed in making change happen, and were out with their children. The ‘mercy’ shoots turned small children into victims of the revolution. 

Later, reports came that some of the special forces were shooting into the crowd from the attic of the military hospital — my place of work. The director of the hospital was like many of those in charge: in dual service - part director and part in the secret service, but not openly.  He was afraid of losing power, and did not like me because I was new, I was popular with those below me and I was not involved with the ‘old’ order like most of the others. I was also intelligent having been first nation-wide when admitted to military school. It would have been impossible for him to be in charge of the military hospital without having a good relationship with both the KGB and communist party. So, with the hope of getting rid of me, they ordered me to go check the attic alone. I had a pistol, but that would have been relatively little firepower compared to the terrorists. I needed more. There were a lot of armed soldiers in the yard. I told a dozen of them to follow me. I walked first and ordered the soldiers to have their guns ready and walk behind me. I told them that, if a terrorist opens fire, they should fire back, and if they hit me, by mistake, to not be scared and fight on. We found about a dozen terrorists. Due to our superior firepower (criminals are, generally, cowards), the terrorists did not attempt to resist. They surrendered all their guns, peacefully. We searched them, took them prisoners and put them in the jail of the hospital.  The next day, my boss gave them their guns back and set them free. He also asked me to hand in my gun. I told him that I would shoot him first and that I slept with the pistol under my pillow every night. 

There was one man who was shot in front of the hospital. He had bullet in the pectoral muscle, outside the ribcage, in the armpit region. My boss ordered him to be transferred to the central civilian hospital. There were rumours that the special security forces were executing patients there. Other hospitals refused to send their patients and would even place them in anaesthesia to claim they were not transportable. At the time, we did not know for sure, but, later, the rumours proved true. Patients would come in the central hospital with a bullet in the arm or leg, and receive a gunshot to the head. Their bodies were then sent to be burned in Bucharest. I had to weigh the risk to this patient’s life posed by hospital admission against the benefit of anaesthesia and a surgery performed by a qualified surgeon. It wasn’t an easy decision, and I had 10 seconds to make it. Also, either way, I could be wrong — and I could be judged as wrong, even if I was right. The wound didn’t look too bad. He was bleeding, but an acceptable amount. The bullet was inside. It should have been removed. Thus, I asked a few soldiers to hold the man down. I used some sterile long-nose pliers to remove the bullet. It was painful, but quick and clean. The wound was small and the bleeding wasn’t critical. I left it open to drain, should an infection occur, gave the man some antibiotics and sent him home. A few minutes later, the ambulance arrived. They ended up taking another patient who had been on the surgical table at the time. If I had not acted, they would have taken both men. 

As a doctor, in a time of war, one has to make such decisions. I never saw the man again, but a reporter came to talk to me soon after it became clear than the same people would remain in power, and asked me to denounce those who were guilty. I felt I was buying my life through silence and that with the same people in power I could not save his. I told him I honour his work and his sacrifice, but that I had two young children, and wanted to live to see them grow. He made no recording and left. Many of those in his recordings who denounced the guilty were hunted and killed by the special forces who were holding onto power. One of the men walked into my office and told me he would be killed if he stayed in the hospital. I signed his papers, and escorted him to the front door. We heard he died a few days later. The reporter disappeared, too. His bones were found in a nearby forest. Since virtually the same community remained in power, the changes were small at first, but, eventually, the borders opened and my children became citizens of the world. 

In the military, always, the main objective is to have as many people as possible that are healthy and fit for service. The goal is to have as many soldiers as possible ready for work or fight tomorrow. Today, there is a form of war turned backwards. Suddenly, all freedom is gone. Now I am old and frail. I travel between my wheelchair and the bed, and for me, death would be a form of release. Yet, I am not free to go outside in my wheelchair -- unless it's between 11 and 1 -- how every old person going out in the same time helps is beyond my imagination. I could receive a fine that starts at 2000 lei (about 400 Euros) for exiting the house. Given the current state of my health, I could easily die of COVID-19. I have had a stroke, and six years prior to it, I had open heart surgery. I lie in bed most of the day. My death is not a tragedy. Death for me would be a release from pain and struggle. Do not cry for me and do not take me to the hospital should I fall into a coma. I cannot even swallow water — and could not swallow liquids well since Christmas -- but my wife gives me lots of fruit instead. My chance of survival is higher at home — at the hospital one often goes in with one virus, and comes out with several.

Since it was clearly shown that the COVID-19 virus has spread in all countries around the world and that at least 50% of people are asymptomatic, there is no longer a reason to keep borders closed,  track people through their phone for more efficient lock-in or to lock people in at all. People should be trained to deal as best as they can with this problem. Sure, use common sense, ban large gatherings, don't spit or cough on each other, wash hands, maintain distance, educate people, etc, AND train people to help.

World-leadership has been problematic for many years. Politicians (and I don't mean just in Romania -- but worldwide) are old (plenty are 70+ or late 60s) and are like kings and queens used to be before. They are no longer there because they are talented and can do the job. Sure, some are talented -- especially if they are women because it's harder for women to make it to the top -- but those who are talented are few. Unfortunately, this is true in most other sectors as well -- medicine, science, industry. Everywhere there are some pockets of people who do well, but, overall, leadership is faulty. In times of peace and 'democracy', people hide all these faults behind huge veils of bureaucracy. It's natural for vaccines to take very long to develop. It's natural for missions to take tens of years because 'we' constantly fire our best people or send them back home after training them (i.e., in the US -- in Europe, 'we' often fail to train them in the first place). So, it's not surprising that there are no numbers one can rely on and that the response to this pandemic has been faulty. But locking people in like they did in the middle ages cannot be the answer to improving the response to the pandemic once it's known that the virus has spread -- and we do know that. Such measures will increase the depression the world has plunged in, give power to extremes, and very soon cause more violence and destruction than the virus itself. We are already seeing violent responses in India, in Africa, and violence will extend to the 'civilised' world if there is not a step-by-step return to life and normalcy.

OK, so how about people who have pre-existent conditions? The old, the ill and the frail like me? (Note that there are plenty of people who are young and suffer from obesity, high blood pressure, etc who are high risk cases as well) I fought for freedom all my life, and I would never want my death to be used as an excuse to imprison others. For me, there is nothing left to gain. Life in bed and between bed and wheelchair does not have sufficient value to be worth protecting. In situations like this, the doctors should focus their resources on patients worth saving. There some young people who have an extraordinary reaction to COVID-19 or have pre-existent conditions that would not be fatal otherwise. If they survive the infection, they might return and make a difference in the world.

Historically, war is always claiming to save lives -- to save the world from some great evil. It never works this way. World War I (also known as the war to end all wars) claimed to be saving the world from the huns. Instead, it plunged the world into such a depression that it caused World War II, which had the same purpose -- to save us from the huns -- since it worked so well once, why not try again? Throughout this period, leaders perfected concentration camps. So, when WWII ended, they turned half of Europe into a form of prison that lasted for some 50 years. Now -- in this war with the virus -- people everywhere are locked-into their own homes and Russia wants to perfect digital lock-down, which should be easy to do given all the technology. Locking people into their own homes has been shown to work so well that it has been/has to be used by those who want power -- they'd be stupid not to just like with the concentration camps. Will quarantine become a way of life while claiming they save people like me? They say a vaccine can take two years -- if one is optimistic -- and that various forms of oppression should last this long. Ultimately, having key workers function without the rest of the economy is an empty dream because the rest of the economy fuels the key workers. The economy is already collapsing worldwide under current measures. They cannot last.

I have seen my children grow up. I’ve seen them go to America and succeed in life. I’ve seen them play a part -- not the smallest — in research that led to a Nobel prize in 2017. I’ve seen my grandchildren skip years in school and write books. I’ve been around the world. I’ve lived my life. Before I die, I would like to see my grandchildren and my children free to leave the house again. I want to know them safe. I want to know the borders are open. I want to listen to children’s stories on the radio that have their happy ending, and see extended family and friends. I don't want other people to make choices for me to keep me safe. I want to see people help each other and make life happen elsewhere.  My life is sad. Start new happy lives instead.  I don’t want the world plunged into war through economic tragedies induced by claiming they are trying to keep people like me alive or keep us safe. I don't care if I am safe or not and I don't believe the claim is true, anyhow; it's a thirst for power that is overwhelming the world yet again and it is hiding behind this virus while gripping the world harder and harder until there is no return, but I like happy endings and I want to believe leaders are trying their best in responding to this pandemic.